nonchalance is dead. a manifesto to a louder life

screw being nonchalant. it's the worst trend this society has had. consider this your manifesto for a life lived harder, louder, fuller

what’s even so fun about nonchalance? no, seriously, what’s so fucking fun?

and this post isn’t about men. this isn’t about relationships or power dynamics or “playing it cool” with a crush (ew, no one cares).

i’m talking about the deliberate act of self-expression. the radical rejection of performance for the sake of seeming chill. i’m talking about giving your all, post radically honest shits and passion of your and honor your bodily wish to self-express fully.

and fuck the glorification of “non-chalance”. to look untouchable? to seem “better than” because you’re so careful, so selective, so "chill"?

enough.

being mysterious, well-curated, dropping a gem once in a blue moon DO NOT make a good artist or any great Instagrammers — ignore that societal construct. feel, create, dump, share ideas. who said the best artists or thinkers were the ones who held back, dropping breadcrumbs of themselves for the world to pick up like some intellectual scavenger hunt?

and i’m telling you: the real genuine fun, total joy comes fom refusing to curate yourself into a palatable, digestible version of “cool.

don’t build a stifling construct around yourself, these arbitrary boundaries dictating how much you allow yourself to experience. don’t ration out your life to seem more put-together, more restrained, more anything. don’t create a performance of “coolness” that leaves no room for chaos, passion, or the utterly human mess of living. make your social media, your conversations, your art, your interactions—everything—a radically honest and wildly interesting version of who you are.

because here’s the truth: you would save yourself so much trouble if you just let yourself exist freely.

live untethered. create freely. give without restraint. don’t read too much into stuffs, and you’ll find you’re suddenly free as hell. just give your whole heart. honor what your body wants. write, create, share, scream, laugh, cry, post, talk, text—whatever lets you exist, feel as fully as possible. - that’s the TLDR you should take from this post

still interested? let’s dive into this more deeply!!!

media obsession with nonchalance

tiktok is the breeding ground for this modern cult of nonchalance, where curated detachment has become the ultimate vibe. from influencers like the wizard liz preaching “know your worth, stay unbothered” philosophies to viral trends about nonchalant dreadheads and endless “move in silence” mantras, the app is obsessed with looking untouchable. like acting uninterested, cold, and slightly too good for everything is now seen as some ultimate flex.

i’m so done with shit like that i’m actually crashing out if i see one more videos boasting the miserable calculations of one’s love for others in their life. you genuinely only live one, why da fuq do you feel the need to over-calculate, overthink your presence and energy.

this stupid nonchalant obsession just creeps up everywhere. it’s influencers with minimalist captions that scream, i’m too cool to try. it’s viral audios about cutting people off, moving in silence, and keeping your guard up 24/7 like it’s some badge of honor. it’s the obsession with stoicism and emotional detachment, where the ultimate goal is to never be fazed, never be vulnerable, never let anything touch you too deeply.

some examples:

• the “nonchalant dreadhead” trope: this weird romanticized vibe of being effortlessly smooth and unbothered, as if looking disinterested is a personality.

• power play trends: people (more often that not teenage boys with less than 3 years of conscious media consumption) constantly quoting 48 laws of power or treating every relationship like it’s a strategy game.

and then there’s 48 laws of power, the holy text of strategic detachment and manipulation. it’s practically the cheat sheet for anyone who wants to turn relationships into battlegrounds. its laws—like “never outshine the master” or “conceal your intentions”—were literally written for medieval court politics. yet here we are, applying them to texting dynamics and deciding whether or not to double-text someone or to post a new life update.

• “protect your peace” content: not the kind that actually encourages boundaries, but the kind that tells you to cut everyone off at the first sign of discomfort.

ALL BULLSHIT don’t buy into it. our current media, or wizardliz’s content and the 48 laws of power, lean heavily on the myth of the “unbothered” persona—the idea that the less you care, the more powerful you are. but here’s the truth: staying unbothered isn’t power—it’s paralysis. it’s the refusal to engage with the world in a meaningful way. it’s closing yourself off from vulnerability, from passion, from connection, all in the name of looking “cool.”

but what do you actually win by staying unbothered? a gold medal in loneliness? an ego that’s so fragile it crumbles the moment you let someone in? the glorification of emotional detachment has turned us into characters in a game no one actually wants to play. and for what? the illusion of power? LOL

the lies of “coolness”

but let’s break it down: what does nonchalance actually look like?

nonchalant behavior is deeply curated disinterest. it’s the art of seeming like you’re “above it all,” but the truth is, you’re deeply in it—just in a way that’s all about control.

it’s the way you sit in conversations, carefully meting out your energy like it’s currency. it’s the almost bored look you perfect when someone asks how you’re doing, the deliberate shrug when someone tells you something that deserves real enthusiasm. it’s a constant calculation: how can I look like I don’t care too much?

it’s in your body language—leaning back just enough to seem unfazed, smiling only slightly, never laughing too hard. it’s in your timing, responding to messages just late enough to seem busy, but not so late that you’re rude. you’re not unbothered; you’re pretending to be, all the while obsessing over how you’re perceived.

it’s in the subtle, self-imposed restraints of how you live:

• posting only when it feels “significant” enough, as if your thoughts need to pass some imaginary bar to be worth sharing.

• sitting out on the dance floor, not because you don’t want to dance, but because you don’t want to look stupid or overly excited.

• watering down your own enthusiasm, your own joy, because somewhere along the way, someone told you that caring too much was embarrassing.

nonchalance makes you hold back in ways that don’t just limit your relationships or creativity—they limit you. it’s the constant, exhausting performance of being unaffected, of acting like nothing gets to you, nothing excites you, nothing bothers you. and for what?

nonchalance tells you that withholding effort is the key to power. that by caring less, you win. but win what, exactly?

• the respect of people who are too scared to care themselves?

• the approval of a world that glorifies withholding as if it’s strength?

• the satisfaction of never looking “too eager” or “too much”?

it’s all bullshit. there’s no reward for being mysterious. there’s no prize for playing it cool. the real freedom comes from giving everything—your thoughts, your love, your passion—and not giving a single damn about how it’s received.

stop rationing your love. stop rationing your energy.

echoing my previous critical of popular culture obsession with silly power play and nonchalance in relationships.

AGAIN, don’t buy into the capitalist, rationalization bullshit of having to optimize and treat every human pursuit—especially friendships—as some carefully balanced resource game. friendships aren’t stock portfolios to be “invested in” equally. they’re not transactions where you give a little to get a little, and they’re definitely not something you measure in returns. but somehow, we’ve been pulled into this trend of over-rationalizing our most human connections, turning them into calculated strategies rather than spaces to feel and exist freely.

and it’s everywhere. in media, in advice culture, even in our conversations, there’s this growing obsession with cutting people off, moving in silence, protecting your peace. it’s marketed as empowerment, as self-care, but let’s call it what it really is: a fear-driven, ego-soaked excuse to avoid vulnerability.

when did we start acting like friendships are liabilities to be managed instead of lifelines to be nurtured? when did “protecting my peace” turn into shutting people out the moment they make us uncomfortable? and since when did the act of trying—putting in effort, caring deeply, being the first to show up—become something to avoid because it might make you look weak, or worse, needy?

friendships aren’t assets to be optimized

nonchalance is in the way we calculate who texts first and how often, keeping mental tallies of effort so we don’t feel like we’re giving “too much.” it’s in the reluctance to say, “i miss you,” or “i love you,” because we don’t want to come across as clingy or dependent. it’s in the hesitance to show up uninvited, to send a long, emotional message, or to say, “i need you,” because we’ve been conditioned to believe that vulnerability is a liability, not a strength.

it made our modern friendships often look like a balancing act of effort versus return:

• did i text them last, or should they reach out first?

• is it weird to call them out of the blue, or should i wait until they initiate?

• am i putting in too much effort? what if they don’t feel the same way?

we’ve reduced the act of loving and caring for our friends into a game of resource management. every interaction feels like a negotiation—an exchange of equal value to avoid looking too eager or, worse, too dependent. but friendships are not investments to be optimized. they’re not about keeping score brooo.

now how to counter this bullshit and start being full and happy in relationships??

over-communicate. over-extend your love to your friends. be the first person to ask, the first to show up, the first to reach out. send that long text. say you miss them. call them because you feel like it.

what if you over-communicated? what if you over-shared? what if you over-loved? would the world end? no. but you’d be freer. you’d be lighter. and you’d probably connect with people in ways you’ve never imagined.

because here’s the thing: the people who matter? they’ll love you for it. the people who don’t? who cares. they were never your people to begin with.

saying no to nonchalance, ego is opening yourself to the possibilities of new what-ifs.

what if relationships weren’t about balance or equality, but about fullness? what if instead of holding back, you gave your whole self—your love, your enthusiasm, your vulnerability—without worrying whether it would be reciprocated in exactly the same way?

this isn’t about letting people take advantage of you. it’s about creating relationships where there’s room for messiness, for imperfection, for uneven effort. because that’s what real intimacy looks like. it’s not a polished, picture-perfect exchange of emotions. it’s the willingness to show up for each other, even when it’s hard, even when it’s awkward, even when it’s not convenient.

let go of the fear of being “too much” or “too eager.” let go of the need to keep score. because at the end of the day, it’s not about who moved first or who tried harder. it’s about who showed up, who cared, who made the choice to connect.

and that choice? that’s what matters.

feel, create, dump, repeat

now that we are done with addressing the elephant in the room which is nonchalance in friendships. let’s talk about the cure to the nonchalance “glaze” that creeps up in every-day life especially in our self-expression. the antidote to nonchalance is simple: radical expression.

we need to stop self-shaming, stop self-censoring, and start honoring our emotions, our justified rights to creative expression—outlets that represent us fully, without filters. stop being so weighed down by shame, by the need to appear controlled, calculated, and poised. it’s literally insane. you are you. don’t let that stupid construct, the glorification of “coolness,” take up space in your head.

dance your ass off at that party, even when the “cool ones” are hiding in the corner, talking shit or pretending they’re above it all. spoiler: they’re the cringe ones, self-censoring themselves into oblivion.

say the absurd things. blurt out the chaos in your head. bring up the weird, funny, cringeworthy, embarrassing shit you’ve buried so deep it’s practically fossilized. dig it up, throw it into the light, and laugh at it until it loses all its power over you. turn it into yours—something you tell at 2 a.m. that makes everyone choke on their drinks.

free yourself from shame, from the instinct to hold back, from the urge to shrink yourself into something small and palatable.

and maybe this isn’t about feeling deeply anymore. maybe we’re getting at something even crazier—living recklessly with your humanity in full bloom. not reckless in a destructive way, but in a way that completely, unapologetically rejects the rules: the rule to hold back, to play it safe, to show only the most presentable parts of yourself. fuck the rules.

to feel deeply, to live passionately, is to honor your very humanity. it’s acknowledging that you’re not here to tiptoe through life or to guard yourself from the risks of caring too much. you’re here to dive in, to experience the full spectrum of life with everything you’ve got. joy isn’t found in not caring—it’s found in caring so much that it fills you up, that it spills out of you into everything you touch. passion is what gives life meaning, and it’s the only thing that makes this chaotic, fleeting existence worth it.

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honor your bodily self-expression

the body wants to express itself. it’s wired for it. the laughs that bubble up uncontrollably. the urge to dance when a good beat drops. the tears that pour out in moments you can’t control. it’s all there, raw and insistent, because your body knows something your mind keeps trying to forget: you are meant to feel, to create, to release.

the joy of life is in the raw, unpolished explosion of being, where every part of you—your thoughts, your body, your heart—demands to be seen and felt. it’s not just about making or doing; it’s about that electric, undeniable pull to create as an extension of your humanity. it’s in the irrational impulse to scribble down a thought that doesn’t make sense to anyone but you. it’s in the visceral need to tell someone about a memory, a fleeting feeling, a ridiculous dream because if you don’t, it’ll disappear into the void of your own mind.

our creative expression isn’t a luxury—it’s LITERLLY survival. it’s how we fight the numbness of routine, the deadening weight of trying to live correctly, of living “nonchalantly”. it’s not always elegant; sometimes it’s chaotic, ugly, even awkward. but that’s the point. the mess is what makes it real. it’s in the stream-of-consciousness doodles in your notebook, the unhinged rant you record on a whim, the photo you take of something stupid just because it caught your eye. these aren’t trivial acts; they’re THE VERY declarations.

but here’s the thing—creative expression here isn’t just about making “art” in the conventional sense. it’s about living with an openness to the absurd, the trivial, the profound. it’s about shouting into the ether because it feels good, because it feels true, because you’re honoring the part of you that refuses to be invisible. it’s in the way you tell a story that makes no sense, in the random notes app poem you write at midnight, in the way you string together an outfit that feels like it tells a secret only you know.

when you create, you are reaching into the uncharted parts of yourself, pulling out pieces you might not even understand, and giving them form. a poem scrawled on the back of a receipt, a melody hummed while washing dishes, a sketch that will never be framed—these are acts of liberation. they’re a way of saying, i exist. my thoughts, my hands, my choices. they matter.

expression, and the exercise of free will are the ultimate rebellion against the lie of indifference. to create is to admit that you care. it’s to pour a part of yourself into the world and say, this matters, because I made it. there is nothing nonchalant about that

the joy isn’t in the outcome; it’s in the act of release. it’s in saying, fuck perfection, fuck purpose, fuck whether this “matters”—this is what i feel right now, and i will express the frick out of it. because when you let yourself follow those impulses, you’re giving your humanity room to breathe. you’re rejecting the falsehood that every action needs to be productive, every thought needs to be packaged for consumption. you’re saying, i’m alive, and that’s reason enough to express it. art,

this is the joy of life: to follow the inexplicable urges, to honor the instincts that tell you to do something stupid or meaningful or both at once, and to trust that the act itself is where the beauty lies, not the false societal construct of aloofness and nonchalance.

fuck being nonchalant

and this, is the complete rejection of nonchalance. it’s the refusal to stay cold, guarded, or detached, and instead choosing to throw yourself fully into the raw, unfiltered act of living. it’s about caring too much, creating too much, and feeling too deeply—because anything less is just surviving. nonchalance offers nothing but a hollow illusion of control, a weak attempt to stay untouchable, when what we really crave is connection, intensity, and the wild unpredictability of being human.

so let go of the chains of nonchalance. reject the lie that caring less is power. there’s no power in withholding, no freedom in apathy. the real power is in throwing yourself fully into life: in loving loudly, creating wildly, and expressing yourself with reckless abandon. to care is to live. to create is to rebel. to feel deeply is to be free. there is no greater freedom, no greater beauty, than this.

so here’s my final bar:

post whatever the hell you want. text your friends way too much. make art that doesn’t mean anything except that you wanted to make it. laugh loudly. love loudly. exist without overthinking.

nonchalance offers you nothing but distance—distance from others, and worse, distance from yourself. the power doesn’t come from caring less. it comes from caring so much that you don’t care who sees it. that’s the only way to actually win.